Most people aren’t very familiar with the fetish scene. I think many of the book’s fans are surprised when they learn that those who practice BDSM, by and large, can’t stand the book. This isn’t just literary criticism… that’s for another post. It’s that the ideas presented in the novels do not represent the scene itself. At all. Christian Grey isn’t a Dom. He’s an abusive stalker.

Some people really enjoy kinky activity. And that’s perfectly okay! What keeps it “perfectly okay” are the watchwords of the BDSM community – “safe, sane and consensual”. I identify as a submissive, which means that I deliberately put myself into a vulnerable position sexually, and I enjoy it. I’m able to do this without fearing for my life because I kneel at the feet of men who believe in safety. I kneel at the feet of men who are sane. And before I knelt we negotiated what would happen in scene, how far he could go, and what our safewords would be. Consent, on both sides.

How do you write that? It’s not hard. There are TONS of good stories out there. A quick search at Litrotica should point you in the right direction. If you want to keep the theme of “mass market BDSM” or “fetish for mass consumption” I’m fine with that. In fact, I’d love it! Let’s break a few taboos and move out from the shadows! So keep it a seduction of a lovely young innocent. Why not? Make it sensual. But remember this – a submissive is STRONG. It takes courage to kneel, to submit, to let go. Play to her strengths even as she’s submitting to his.

After a scene there’s a weird emotional drop on both sides. Aftercare is a must – lots of cuddle time required. This isn’t a playground of the wealthy – move it into the clubs, a social setting. And show different types! There’s so much diversity in scene! So yes, write from her point-of-view, but also his. Male submission? Definitely. Different kinks and what drives them? Sure. Gay and lesbian? Of course. Hard-core? Soft as a butterfly? Everything in between? Absolutely. But please, keep it real, keep it safe, keep it sane, keep it consensual. There’s even something out there called consensual non-consent. No problem… just don’t cross that line.