Details: Okay so here’s the deal, I know lots of people are into a BDSM relationship but I really don’t want to date someone that’s dominant take charge of everything in my life. However, the BDSM thing really turns me on and I feel like i need a kick of it to be better in life. I’m having a boyfriend and things between us are great, he is a gentleman and he cares and respects me. But our sex is just ok, because I’m usually lazy and inactive, and it’s hard for me to get wet without being kinky, and he’s into romantic sex. But it’s not just about sex, it’s about my lazy lifestyle too, like I need someone that’s strict and push me a bit so I can be better, sexually and non sexually. So, I went on getdare and asked for a online master. I have to say that it really turns me on and I feel fun. I was just engaged in being an online slave for 1–2 days, and after it I met my boyfriend, and our sex was AMAZING. I feel a lottt closer to him, like it was our best time together after almost 1 year dating. And I feel great. But again, I’m not sure if I should really submit to this in a long-term run. Because I don’t want to feel weird about him(my bf) when we meet, and I do not want my normal life to be affected so much. So I really need some advice. This (having an online master) helps me so much as a person and a girlfriend. But will it be too much? If I do this, should I keep it as a secret and not tell my bf? Cause I don’t want him to think i’m a freak, esp to people that don’t know much about this lifestyle.

This is a great question! I really like the detail you offered in your notes. I’ve been in your position before, and it’s not easy is it? In my case I was engaged to a guy I really cared about. In fact, I thought he was just perfect for me. Why else would I have said “yes” when he proposed, right? The only thing that was a little off was just what you describe. He was so sweet, and romantic. He was such a gentleman, and he really cared about me. And our sex like was so… boring. It was awful! I tried to spice it up, but really he was just a passive person. The chemistry between us just wasn’t there in that respect.

So I did exactly what you did. This was the very early days of the internet, but I lucked out and found a Master in New York who agreed to train me. And at first it really helped! The sex between my fiance and myself sparked like never before! But I felt guilty, because I wasn’t really responding to him. I was following my new Master’s orders. The next morning I told him everything. To my surprise he wasn’t upset. My fiance was happy! He told me to keep training!

This continued for a few months, and we eventually married. But I should have anticipated what was happening. It turned out that my husband was also submissive. He was as interested in what my online Master was doing as I was, and it ended up making me a little crazy. I tried so hard to serve him, but he’d give in to me at every turn. Two passive people in a relationship just didn’t work well.

That’s what happened to me. That’s not necessarily what will happen to you. But consider this. While you’re saying you don’t want a Master to impact your day-to-day routine, you’ve also just described yourself as lazy. As really needing someone to be strict and push you. Have you found that in your boyfriend? You don’t get turned on by him, and now you’re lying to him. You’re worried that he’ll judge you if you’re honest with him.

My advice, for what it’s worth, is to step out of the shadows. Don’t play games, either with him or yourself. You’ll just make yourself crazy, when you could actually be having a lot of fun! There’s no need to confront your boyfriend. He actually sounds like a wonderful person! Take him out somewhere nice. Maybe to a park for a surprise picnic – someplace casual and quiet where you can talk. Make him feel special and appreciated. Be sure to let him know that you’re talking to him because you care about him, and that you especially care about the two of you as a couple. Then gently, but candidly, tell him what you’ve described here. Tell him that you’re submissive in the bedroom, and about the dare you received. Describe how it made you feel, and about how it made you feel about him in particular. Describe how sexy it made you feel toward him.

Hopefully he’ll respond in a positive and supportive way. If not… maybe you should give him the URL for Get Dare! In either case, I wish you the best.