Category Archives: Fetishes

How would you write fetishism and BDSM sex in a healthier way than 50 Shades of Grey?

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Most people aren’t very familiar with the fetish scene. I think many of the book’s fans are surprised when they learn that those who practice BDSM, by and large, can’t stand the book. This isn’t just literary criticism… that’s for another post. It’s that the ideas presented in the novels do not represent the scene itself. At all. Christian Grey isn’t a Dom. He’s an abusive stalker.

Some people really enjoy kinky activity. And that’s perfectly okay! What keeps it “perfectly okay” are the watchwords of the BDSM community – “safe, sane and consensual”. I identify as a submissive, which means that I deliberately put myself into a vulnerable position sexually, and I enjoy it. I’m able to do this without fearing for my life because I kneel at the feet of men who believe in safety. I kneel at the feet of men who are sane. And before I knelt we negotiated what would happen in scene, how far he could go, and what our safewords would be. Consent, on both sides.

How do you write that? It’s not hard. There are TONS of good stories out there. A quick search at Litrotica should point you in the right direction. If you want to keep the theme of “mass market BDSM” or “fetish for mass consumption” I’m fine with that. In fact, I’d love it! Let’s break a few taboos and move out from the shadows! So keep it a seduction of a lovely young innocent. Why not? Make it sensual. But remember this – a submissive is STRONG. It takes courage to kneel, to submit, to let go. Play to her strengths even as she’s submitting to his.

After a scene there’s a weird emotional drop on both sides. Aftercare is a must – lots of cuddle time required. This isn’t a playground of the wealthy – move it into the clubs, a social setting. And show different types! There’s so much diversity in scene! So yes, write from her point-of-view, but also his. Male submission? Definitely. Different kinks and what drives them? Sure. Gay and lesbian? Of course. Hard-core? Soft as a butterfly? Everything in between? Absolutely. But please, keep it real, keep it safe, keep it sane, keep it consensual. There’s even something out there called consensual non-consent. No problem… just don’t cross that line.

What does a fetish model do?

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Excellent question! And a loaded question, because depending on who is using the term it can cover a LOT of ground.

Of course this is probably all she’s wearing, but this photo is pretty modest…

Here is a fetish model, demonstrating a blackout blindfold for a BDSM catalog. Fairly modest, nothing too demanding.

It pays to be flexible when you’re in scene.

She is also a fetish model. She’s in the middle of making a porn movie. This is the very beginning of the shoot – it will not be modest, it will be extremely demanding. By the end of it all she’s probably going to be exhausted and covered in lots of different fluids.

I know, this phone is SO 1973… but I look so cute holding it!

She’s a fetish model too. “PSO” or “Phone Sex Operators” are usually (though not always) required to share photos and/or videos of themselves along with trading sexy fantasies with their callers.

Hey… YOU try looking both strong and submissive at the same time. It’s an art!

Let’s not leave out the boys – they’re fetish models too.

Do these heels make my toes look big?

And they even have sub-categories for different parts of the anatomy. For example, there’s a HUGE demand for pretty feet in extreme heels.

I could go on, but hopefully you get the idea. “Fetish model” is a catch-all phrase that covers nearly anything in scene if a camera is involved.

I have a slavery fetish, should I never indulge it?

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Interesting question! Though I identify as a submissive, I’m really turned on by the idea of sexual slavery. Most would argue there’s little to no difference, but as you probably already know there’s actually a world of difference. What hunter wants his prey to meekly turn over and willingly present their belly to him? Isn’t it much more fun to stalk, to pounce, to claim? In turn, I may naturally kneel before a man, but I’d much rather he simply grab me, bend me over and take what he desires. There are many women like me in the world, who enjoy the idea of consensual non-consent. Go find one (or two or three… after all, you’re the owner!)

What type of websites do you go to meet women who are into fetishes?

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Hi there! That’s a good question. And I hate to say “it depends” but… it sort of depends on the fetish. Since you didn’t specify, I’d recommend two of the more high traffic sites to start with. Fetlife covers a little bit of everything. It may take you a little while to get used to the organization, because it’s kind of all over the place. But whatever you’re into, it’s there someplace!

The other recommendation comes with a warning. Collarspace is a legit website. At one point it used to be really cool. But that was about… oh, 20 years ago. Seriously. Ok, maybe 15. I’ve been doing this a long time. The point is, they haven’t updated their site in all this time. And there are a TON of fake profiles on CS. So… so many. The good news is that there are also lots of real ones there. You just have to be very patient and have lots of common sense. Also, because they’re outdated, getting a new profile approved takes forever. And if you find a typo and want to fix it? Your entire profile will be shut down for review for about another month. It’s frustrating as anything to be there. The reason why so many people keep going back is because of the high traffic, and that’s why I recommend it, even with all the problems it presents.

If you don’t find who you’re looking for on those two sites, you’ll probably come across someone there who can point you in the right direction. Good luck!