How did you discover BDSM?

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LOL My mother. No, seriously! But… not that way. 😉

I was a very precocious kid. I was in her bathroom one day when I found this weird book in the trash. Unlike every other book I’d ever seen, the cover on this one was blank.

It didn’t look all that threatening, and it was in my mother’s trash, so she clearly didn’t want it anymore, right? Maybe it was a vocabulary book… I’ll never understand what my sweet little southern belle of a mother was doing with that book, but I can certainly understand why she threw it away. She ran with a crowd that thought itself rather racy and naughty, maybe one of them gave it to her. She probably read the first paragraph, screamed and that was that!

So that was my first introduction to the scene officially, though it had been explained to me even earlier than that. I just didn’t have the context until I read the book. And even then there were a few things I didn’t quite understand until a few re-readings later. But really, I think you could safely say I’ve been into the scene most of my life.

What type of websites do you go to meet women who are into fetishes?

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Hi there! That’s a good question. And I hate to say “it depends” but… it sort of depends on the fetish. Since you didn’t specify, I’d recommend two of the more high traffic sites to start with. Fetlife covers a little bit of everything. It may take you a little while to get used to the organization, because it’s kind of all over the place. But whatever you’re into, it’s there someplace!

The other recommendation comes with a warning. Collarspace is a legit website. At one point it used to be really cool. But that was about… oh, 20 years ago. Seriously. Ok, maybe 15. I’ve been doing this a long time. The point is, they haven’t updated their site in all this time. And there are a TON of fake profiles on CS. So… so many. The good news is that there are also lots of real ones there. You just have to be very patient and have lots of common sense. Also, because they’re outdated, getting a new profile approved takes forever. And if you find a typo and want to fix it? Your entire profile will be shut down for review for about another month. It’s frustrating as anything to be there. The reason why so many people keep going back is because of the high traffic, and that’s why I recommend it, even with all the problems it presents.

If you don’t find who you’re looking for on those two sites, you’ll probably come across someone there who can point you in the right direction. Good luck!

How do I go about meeting a genuine female Domme who is seeking to meet a submissive male?

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Good question! The go-to place to start is also probably the most frustrating – Collarspace. Logging on as a female, you average about 100 messages an hour, and that’s if you don’t respond to anyone. And, of course, a great many of the profiles are fake, so really pack your patience. The reason why we keep going back is that enough of the profiles are real, and the traffic is high.

Fetlife is another good option. While it’s not a dating site per se, it’s an excellent community hub. I’d also recommend Alt.com. It’s free to set up a profile, and the process is surprisingly thorough. But in order to respond to someone you’ll need to upgrade your account. I’ve not been there for a while, but the last time I was there I remember the rates were reasonable and the traffic was steady. Also, because a modest fee was involved it tended to cut down on the fakes, unlike Collarspace.

Good luck!

Why start a kinky blog now?

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That’s a good question. Maybe the best question. The world looks a bit perilous doesn’t it? Well…

When I set out to become a submissive I was welcomed into the scene. My newbie mistakes were tolerated, my eagerness to learn was encouraged with a generosity of spirit that still makes me smile. Of course I made mistakes along the way but overall I had a wonderful adventure. I only wish I’d listened to my basic instincts which told me to turn my back on the vanilla world entirely – I would have been SO much happier! But that’s a tale for another night.

At present there seems to be a determined effort to send as many of us scurrying back into our collective closets as possible. As of this evening, it being late July in the year 2019, I’m closing in on my 37th year in the scene. I’m not about to put a lifetime of experience on the shelf, especially not now. I’ve already spent a good bit of time mentoring those with less experience. I enjoy answering questions and going over the basics. I especially like clearing up misconceptions like BDSM is nothing but abuse. There’s a huge difference – I’ll cover those details in its own post.

Most of my blog will be Q & A with the occasional observation. Please feel free to drop me a line. I’ll be happy to consider genuine questions. Flames will be cheerfully fed to my charmander.